R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
