dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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