yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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