Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
