If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
