I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
