I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
