I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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