Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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