i may or may not be watching the land before time
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
