Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
