On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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