we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die, sorry about rent.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
