all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
