I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
