my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
