with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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