i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Screwed.edu
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
