Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
