My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
