The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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