remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
