So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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