Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
