Who wears a wallet chain?!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
