god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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