Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
