Plan B is the new Plan A
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
