...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
