I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
