I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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