You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize