he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
