I cockslap morals
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
