Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
