That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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