i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
