We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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