I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drunk is a universal language darling
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
