I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
