I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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