just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
