I didn't shave. On purpose
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
