This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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