I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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