Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
