Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I want a musical about memes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
