ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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