you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
