I bet he comes in French.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
