Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
