R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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