Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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