whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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