dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
