My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
