i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
