on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
