His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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