who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ttyl tear gas
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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