sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
