there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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