I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
