I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
