mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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