I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
