I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
