I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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