You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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